sitting amongst shadows of her memory

a dear friend of mine who has with dignity, strength and grace been enduring an illness, has passed away. i sit holding the breath within me feeling this news envelop me still fresh though it has stood wavering on the edge of my thoughts lately. been writing tonight ever since i heard the news an hour or two ago, these thoughts and memories in no particular order have come over me and with the touch of words i have begun to capture the essence of what she meant and what this means.

image :: flickr

i just stand and stare before me shadows on the wall of dark purple orchids on bending branch..don't..hear what they're talking about..lost..shadows deep colors still capture her memory here in a dimly lit room that looked exactly the same five minutes ago before i knew

she dried the sage i still put in my dark tea today..gave it to me by the door..waiting..as i walked out into the sun didn't realize it was goodbye

shadows on the wall of dark purple orchids on bending branch..don't..hear what they're talking about..lost..shadows deep colors still capture her memory

echos of her accent melodic in my head take me somewhere else i hope she knew--

still in this moment right after i read those words so easy to read what i already knew so hard to believe i won't hear her generous dignified gentle voice again

wish i could have saved some of the messages that she left me on my cell phone. like the day i left her house without taking some cake with me for my family. i had a worried message from her telling me to please come back, that she'd forgotten to give me more cake.

shadows on the wall of dark purple orchids on bending branch..don't..hear what they're talking about..lost..shadows deep colors still capture her memory

this is the surreal moment before it sets in where i float slightly above my chair, numb, resonating, fingers working madly on this keyboard to capture her as if she could somehow silently slip away from my memory my fingers work reach move to grasp cling caress while knowing somewhere along the way that what was can never truly be lost

sitting amongst shadows of her memory
smiling amongst the echos of her laughter

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